Saturday, March 17, 2012

Turn Left

In the episode "Turn Left" in the fourth season of the British Sci-Fi series Doctor Who, the show presents two alternate realities based on whether a character turns left or right while driving. The Gywenth Paltrow movie "Sliding Doors" shows how drastically different the main character's life turns out based on whether or not she catches the train. Some may think that life is too complex to have defining moments or that the decision to turn left or right or missing a train are too simple to have an impact on one's overall life. I am not one of those people. Five years ago I had my turn left moment. (And like Donna Noble, I chose to turn left).
First some backstory, five years ago I took a ten day study abroad trip to London. I only knew a few people on the trip, one of whom was one of my best friends at the time, "S". Looking back, "S" was not a good friend, she was controlling, judgmental, and not very understanding. She was the kind of person who liked to make other people feel small so that she felt more important. For anyone who's read My Not So Normal Life, she was the Becky to my Lily.
Taking me to five years ago when I boarded a plane and took my first trip without my family and went farther from home than I'd ever been. In London everything changed. In those first few days I'd grown tired of S. Call it a combination of jet lag, being together 24-7, and just the expereince of being a thousand miles from home, but I wanted freedom. I started to realize I didn't want to be under her thumb. I didn't want to be the person who's missteps made S feel better about herself. I no longer sought her approval. Not to say I was "to hell with her" but I was in London for a short period of time and wanted to have a say in what I did instead of follow her around. Getting me to fourth day of the trip. We'd just spent the morning touring the city with the group and had the rest of the later afternoon/evening off. I needed batteries for my camera (the piece of junk had already sucked the juice from the jumbo pack I'd brought) and S wanted to go to walk up with some girls to the High Street. As the entire class left the hotel S and some girls went right to walk up to the high street and the other half went left in search of the grocery store Tesco's. I stood frozen in the middle. Like a dog with two masters calling it I hesitated on who to follow. Do I continue to follow S and be the good lackey she wanted? Or do I do what I want to do? I chose to go left, a choice which changed my life.
In deciding to go left I met M and K, who are now my best friends. S who didn't take kindly to my perceived rebellion eventually refused to even acknowledge my existence (if you haven't guessed I haven't talked to her in almost 5 years). But looking back, this is a decision that I think shaped the remainder of my life and helped make me who I am today. Had I not gone left I (probably) would not be a published author. (M was the one who really encouraged me to self-publish and helped me through the process). I'm sure I'd still have made it through law school, but M and K made it less lonely. They were extremely understanding and helped me through those hellish 3 years. I don't think I would have been able to get through law school or the bar exam without them. They encouraged me (and still encourage me), they don't look to control me or boss me around, they don't judge me. In short, they've helped me grow.
So while my alternate universe of turning right would not have ended in total world chaos (like Doctor Who), I would not be the person I am today had I not chosen to turn left.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Favorite love story

As I've mentioned before, I love the book Pride and Prejudice. I love the relationship between Darcy and Lizzie. Mainly, I can relate to making snap judgments about someone I just met. When I want to escape in a romantic story I dive into the book or if I need a quicker fix, I watch one of the movies. I can especially relate to Jane and how she is shy and doesn't make her feelings with Bingley.  I am very shy and find it hard to show interest in a man.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Boy-crazy since 1993

I first noticed boys when I was in the first grade. I would think about the boys in my class and rank them in order of who I wanted to marry (tied for first were Mike and Dave). The ranking was based on how nice he was and how cute he was. When I was in 4th grade I sent my first love letter to a boy in my class (though granted since I was nine it was more of a like letter). As I write this I realize how incredibly young I was when I first started noticing boys.

30 Rock Love Life

For my first post, I feel it only fair to warn you that my love life would be most similar to Liz Lemon's. That is to say, don't expect me to talk about my fabulous husband, astronaut Mike Dexter. Here is a list of five things that I have in common (love wise) with Liz Lemon. (Warning a familiarity with the show 30 Rock is needed to get these references)
-The word "lovers" bums me out unless it's between the words "meat" and "pizza"

-I prefer to celebrate Anna Howard Shaw Day over Valentine's Day

-If given the choice between relinquishing my favorite sandwich to TSA and telling my boyfriend I love him right before he got on a plane, I would first eat the sandwich while exclaiming "I can have it al!"

-I had a minor fling w/ Conan O'Brien back in the day (just kidding, would never, he's a ginger)

-Instead of offering to buy me a drink I'd rather a guy offer to buy me mozzarella sticks

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Countdown to Valentine's Day

 In recognition of the Hallmark Holiday celebrated in mid-February (I believe non-cynics call it Valentine's Day) I will be doing a daily post about love and relationships. Starting tomorrow and ending on February 14th, I will share musings and stories on relationships and love.

Sunday, January 29, 2012


For me, confidence is the best way to go from attractive to sexy. Confidence is not to be confused w/ smugness or over confidence (i know many people who's over confidence made them laughable and unattractive). Confidence is being comfortable in your own skin. Walking around with your shoulders back and your chin up. I have a small collection of very high heeled shoes (about 4 inch heels). I can only walk properly with these shoes when I'm feeling confident or secure otherwise I would topple over. Since becoming unemployed I've felt my confidence drop. Those shoes have spent most of the last 9 months resting in my closet. About 2 weeks ago I realized that instead of my pumps I'd begun wearing Uggs and sneakers (both sensible shoes considering its January, but not me). I realized that I was losing a part of me. Since then, I've pulled my knee high boots out from storage and started to wear them. Yes, every time I wear them I risk slipping on ice and breaking my ankle but it's a risk I'm willing to take if it means a chance of reclaiming my confident self.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Forced Trip Down Memory Lane

Today I took a forced trip down memory lane. I went downtown for the first time in six months. I went because I had a job interview (and before anyone asks, no I didn't get the job). What made going downtown so weird was my long absence. For the last three years I practically lived downtown while going to law school. I would go downtown sometimes seven days of the week. I used to know so much about the city since I spent more time there than at home. Coming back today was weird. While down there I walked past my old office building and grabbed coffee from the same place I did when I worked. Throughout my entire trip down I was hit with dozens of memories.

When I got back I searched the sent folder of my email. (I did this b/c I've applied to soo many jobs that at times I am blind sided when firms call for interviews b/c I can't remember where I've applied). When I searched through my email I was thrown down memory lane. Apparently Yahoo! holds onto sent emails forever. I flipped through pages and was hit w/ emails I sent to exes, from all the jobs I sent resumes to and never heard back, emails for old classes.

As a person who tries not to live in the past being thrown down memory lane is frustrating. I hate being reminded of opportunities I've lost, people I've dropped out of contact with, but most of all I hate being reminded of the person I used to be.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

New Year's Resolutions

I have never been one for New Year's Resolutions, however I decided that this year I would try them out.
1. Lose weight (ideally I would like to lose 10-20 pounds, however I'm more interested in feeling healthy which would include eating healthy and exercising)
2. Balance my work life and personal life (Something I didn't do well when I was in law school)
3. Clean my room (just have to do it once this year)
4. Finish the books I started (editing and writing)
5. Decrease tv viewing (I have to do this in order to finish the rest of the stuff on my list)